In a survey conducted in 1980, 900 women were randomly selected and given extensive psychological care to determine rates of sexual abuse. One in three had been sexually assaulted. This is one woman’s story of trying to move on and live her life years after her rape. If you or someone you know has been affected by sexual assault, don’t hesitate to contact a peer advocate.
“Do you want some tea?” she asked with a smile.
“Oh, no, I’m so stuffed from dinner. Thank you.”
He was Tom, Tim if you liked. He was an English major, once a soccer player, his mother taught him to love the piano. He made her laugh, and his hands always felt warm tucked around her waist. Still, they had only been seeing each other for a couple of weeks, so there was no telling. Maybe it would last, maybe she would discard him–another pair of eyes to carry around in her little black purse.
His face was clear, the golden kind of tan with his skin stretched taught over his cheekbones. Whenever he broke into one of those grins, his whole face wore his laugh–especially his eyes, which gleamed blue from afar.
But the bedroom was always another thing. When he got up close to her face rings and lines circled around his eyes, sinking deeper and darker, mixing with his pupils till they shone that familiar black. Everything sunk deep into his sockets, shadows engulfing his face and hers like bits of sand whirred away from the best attended sandcastles into the unremitting ocean…
She pulled him close to her chest so he wouldn’t see her wringing, wringing her eyes shut, wringing out the memories, the dreams, the flashing images. She flipped onto all fours.
“You like doggie, don’t you?”
“Yeah, it’s nice.”
It started again. With every phwump she felt the snot shake loose in her nostrils. it was dripping, then gushing out in chunks. phwump. phwump. phwump. phwump.
pleasedontpleasestopplease she mouthed the words–soundless–that she had mouthed since that night four years ago, the mucus mixed over her lips, opening and closing in thin lines, dripping, then running then drenching, covering her nose and mouth till she couldn’t breathe pleasedontpleasestopplease
He cummed. Thankfully. And it was over.
Tom, or Tim if you liked, leaned forward and hugged her around the stomach, out of breath. “Come here, let me give you a kiss.”
“Just going to get a tissue.”
“You always do that, it’s so cute.” He said touching his finger to the ball of her nose playfully.
“Oh, I’m fine, just a habit I guess.”
She looked into her bag to find them.
“When are we going to do it face to face? It would be so nice to see you and make love.”
She was standing still, looking deep in her little black mermaid’s purse, digging, searching….
“Yes, It would.”