Sometimes life is best reduced to lists. In this edition of 5 things, I bring you….5 Reasons America is better than Germany; 5 Reasons Germany is better than America; 5 things I NEED while studying
5 reasons why America is better than Germany:
1. All you can eat dining hall. (in which you can receive food that is not jarred sausage and pureed potatoes)
2. J-walking. If you J-walk in Germany you will be judged. hard. I once crossed the street in front of a child and his mother asked, “How could you do such a thing in front of my child?” yeah. Germany is intense sometimes.
3. The English Language. Enough said.
4. I can wear leggings again. Boom.
5. American coffee. Espresso based? No-thank-you-pretentious-european-coffee-shops.
5 reasons why Germany is better than America:
1. Functioning bureaucracy (it may make you feel nervous and chafe-y all over, but it works)
2. German weather is shit…but it beats New England weather. Sorry Amherst.
3. No wait-till-you’re-21-just-to-have-a-beer-bullshit (really, America?)
4. Ron Paul isn’t running for president in Germany (Guys, he’s hand delivered over 4,000 babies. He knows when human life begins. Being present at a birth proves to you that human life begins at conception. There is a logical continuity between these two things)
5. Christmas markets. If you haven’t been to one of these (even if you’re not Christian…) you should go. This is the best day-drunk of all time. And everyone in Germany participates. It’s wonderful.
5 things I NEED while studying
1. Leggings. (noticing a pattern here?) I will walk all the way back to Plimpton and change clothes if I feel desperate enough
3. Candy. Don’t give me your bullshit soda vending machines Amherst College. I don’t want them. When it’s 2AM and I’m still typing away I want chocolate. or sugarsugarsnacksnacks. but certainly something solid.
4. Bathroom breaks. My bladder shrinks to a sixth its normal size when I don’t want to do work (all the time). So basically 60% of my time in Frost is spent going to and from the ladies’ room.
5. DUBSTEP/piano. Nothing more. Nothing less. Certainly nothing in between. Can’t explain it. It just is.