OK, I know this news may be a little shocking to some of our readers here from the world wide web, but lesbians have officially moved from “big-foot status” to “affirmed
mythical creatures.” Alright–so I like hyperbole, but really! I didn’t think I knew any lesbians until I got into my second year at Amherst! Why is it that when I ask people: “do you even know any lesbians?” they kinda turn their head in amazement, and, after two minutes of legitimate surprise, they answer “well I know at least three gay men…”
Sometimes I sit back and wonder, “how is this mathematically possible??” Then one day I realized: it’s not possible. All exaggeration aside, I know that America accepts the existence of the lesbian community (or at least about as much as it accepts the veracity of Evolution), but rarely does the average American (in my narrow experience) accept the existence of lesbians. We know that lesbians exist somewhere (perhaps in some far away biker bar…) but we often forget that the women we interact with on a daily basis have a 10% chance of being gay. What I wanna know: why is it that the average joe can name more gay men than gay women?
I think the answer, while incredibly complicated, might have something do to with the way we process female-on-female sexuality. In other words, when girls kiss, it’s something they “just do.” When two guys kiss, we imagine rainbow flags flying in the background and the faint sound of a pride march proudly announcing “I’m out!” Why do we take male-on-male sexuality so seriously and dismiss female-on-female sexuality so casually? Any girl can try a little kitty cat but call herself 100% straight, but any guy who experiments with a guy is 100% without a doubt gay. Seriously, when two girls drunkenly kiss that should be read as an overtly lesbian act! (Not to mention, two guys should be able to experiment with less social pressure)…
While watching E! (I know, so mature) I saw a segment where Adam Lambert talked about kissing his (male) keyboardist on stage. At an interview the following morning, they compared his kiss to Madonna/Britney/Christina’s kiss(es)–showing the ladies locking lips but blurring the image around Lambert’s and keyboardist’s mouths. TV stations read Lambert’s kiss as more obscene because people recognize it as gay, but at the same time people deny the blatantly gay overtones between lesbian lips.
NOT TO MENTION…Katy Perry’s song? “I kissed a girl and I liked it/I hope my boyfriend don’t mind it” When would you ever hear “so I kissed a guy at the bar last night, do you really think Zach will care? I mean, we’ve been dating for like, a year now, so he should know that I really like him–and this other kiss was just fun!” We couldn’t imagine that last comment, but I can imagine someone saying, “Zach won’t care, it didn’t mean anything when I kissed that girl, it was just for fun!” Why wouldn’t he be mad if you kissed another human being—-guy or girl! Why is a woman’s kiss so much less threatening?
Legit though: Dudes get angry if their girlfriends make out with other dudes (duh)….dudes (overall–some will get angry) don’t get angry if their girlfriends make out with other girls….what is this about? For a second or so, the “evolutionary biology argument” popped into my head. OK–dudes are just wired to get angry when someone else’s sperm might sneak its way in his lady’s “little lady”… Since lesbians don’t have sperm, men don’t need to be threatened by lesbians. REASONS THIS IS WRONG: 1. Lesbians might not place sperm, but they sure can cock block. I mean, women more or less know where a clitoris is–so–well…to put it delicately women may be more naturally able to please women…. 2. evolutionary biology can explain a lot of our characteristics today, but it does not turn us into raging reproduction machines. We spend a lot of energy blocking pregnancy. My hormones (a product of my evolution) don’t make me go crazy and flush all my birth control down the toilet so I can “fulfill my destiny and reproduce” nor do guys replace birth control with sugar pills to get sperm in me. Nor do homosexuals start craving the opposite sex so they can reproduce. Evolutionary biology can in no way explain our sex lives. So reducing the “women can kiss my girlfriend I don’t care” to “women can’t spread sperm therefore I don’t care if they kiss my girlfriend” is a one-sided and limited way of understanding this complex issue.
I wanted to explore why lesbian actions (and lesbians themselves) often go unlabeled. While the lack of label can be freeing for the questioning lady, it can be unfulfilling for the girl who wants to stand up and be gay–and have her actions recognized as such. I don’t want to discourage women from kissing their female friends (hey, girl-crushes are so in right now…), I just want us to recognize that these are lesbian acts! Doesn’t mean you ARE a lesbian…just that you might lean that way…sometimes…when you want to…don’t blow it off! Lesbian desire exists :)
that’s all for now!