Dolla Dolla Billz Ya’ll

I am officially incapable of meeting deadlines in the summer. Fail. But did you really expect anything more of me? Anyways, I have become compelled to get to the bottom of why on earth boatloads of people swarm the sandy beaches of the Jersey Shore day after day with their metal detectors.

no... they never look like this

I have long dismissed it as a silly hobby. Given my current part time schedule, however, I completely understand the need for frivolous diversion— I am literally so bored I have taken to working out two or three times a day… this from the girl who didn’t work out all spring. Yes, THAT bored. But what is it that makes people turn to metal detecting to quell their boredom?

they are more like this... trust me on this one

I did my best to be supportive of this ridiculous past time as I begrudgingly sit on the stand day in and day out, rain or shine, while these people walk up and down the beach, bending over to dig up tin cans and nails. If they were not wasting my time, I could be sitting in the pavilion, dry as a bone. Yet these morons are frolicking in the surf, requiring me by law to watch them. All for what, $0.10 a nail at the recycling center? Suddenly it all makes sense… All you need is a gagillion nails and you can retire early.

hope you dug up the receipt with that bag...

Hell yeah, you made it.

At least, that’s how I justified it. Until I found out the cheapest of these metal detectors cost $1,000 a pop ON SALE (also, Excalibur’s price has just been raised, so buy now kiddies! It even has a double D coil whatever that means).

bringing sexy backkk

Apparently these babies are so bad ass they can even find leather jackets in the sand. http://www.kellycodetectors.com/Finds/minelab/WandaleatherJackquarter.html

WHAT.

THE.

FUCK.

Now research has taught me there are clubs and support groups. And people are surprised that even in large cities (i.e. Kansas City…) there may only be one club with no website. It really is shocking people have lives I guess. There are stories all over about how people actually manage to pay off their metal detectors with their finds. What they don’t mention is that people only do that if they have good finds. Otherwise it takes years and years and years of cheap Claire’s rings, pennies, bottle caps, and if you’ve really done well, GOLD PLATED jewelry. Really not worth much.

... maybe you just need to get creative with it...?

Frankly, if these people used all the time they devoted to metal detecting in a more constructive manner, like getting a part time waitressing gig or something, they’d be making way more money in the long run rather than finding a glorious $100 dollar find every six years.