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Loose Moose Tranquilized and Captured in Biddy’s Yard

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(Ethan Corey)– During an otherwise uneventful finals week, a lone adolescent moose descended from the wilderness to wreak havoc upon campus, running wild for several hours before Massachusetts Environmental Police brought the beast down with the help of town and campus police in President Biddy Martin’s backyard.

According to reports from students, the moose was first sighted on Walnut Street near the Cadigan Center before crossing Route 116 to main campus. The moose reportedly headed towards Merrill Science Building before running down Memorial Hill and turning back towards Route 116.

After the moose crossed Route 116 for a second time, town and campus police helped create a perimeter by closing off secondary roads while a Massachusetts Environmental Police officer attempted to tranquilize the creature with a dart gun. According to unconfirmed reports on the scene, the officer fired three shots before finally tranquilizing the animal successfully. The moose continued to be on the move for more than twenty minutes before finally falling unconscious behind the house of President Martin.

With the help of onlookers— including Amherst College students Daniel Diner ’14, Theodore Seem ’15, and Blaine Patrick Werner ’15—police loaded the unconscious animal into the back of a truck. Local news media and curious onlookers were allowed the opportunity to take photos of the moose—which was snoring loudly—before the truck drove away. According to officials on the scene, the moose will be taken to a remote area approximately one hour away where it will be released.

Werner said that after he and Seem heard about the moose in a GroupMe message, they immediately left their dorm to search for the animal.

“We got down the Hill, and started looking around the quad and nature area. We were about to give up after 20 minutes of impromptu moose looking when we saw some people around Biddy’s house. We parked, found her right as the police tranquilized her, and then we were asked to help lift her. She weighed about 900 pounds, but after we lifted her in they let us take some snaps. It was the most fun I’ve had all year,” Werner said.

Werner also suggested that the moose could serve well as a replacement for the College’s often controversial mascot.

In a statement to reporters, Amherst Police Captain Christopher G. Pronovost said that moose are rare for the area, but added that increased rural development has led to more frequent sightings in recent years.

President Martin responded to a request for comment with links to several tweets she posted about the moose, but promised to release a statement later today.

If you have photos or stories to share about the moose, please add them in the comments section below!

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16 comments on “Loose Moose Tranquilized and Captured in Biddy’s Yard

  1. Anonymous
    May 15, 2014

    Poor moose. Sounds like the students were wreaking havoc on him, not the other way around.

  2. Anonymous
    May 15, 2014

    Moose mascot is a 10/10 idea

    • Anonymous
      May 15, 2014

      One hundred times yes.

  3. come on
    May 15, 2014

    Guys its a fucking moose. There are moose in places with dense forest. We have that. Calm down. I don’t understand why everyone thinks this is so interesting.

    • Anonymous
      May 15, 2014

      You must be fun at parties.

    • Anonymous
      May 15, 2014

      We’re that desperate for a new mascot.

    • Anonymous
      May 15, 2014

      We know it’s you, moose.

    • Daniel Diner '14
      June 2, 2014

      Nice try, Lord Jefferey Amherst.

  4. Shut up Ethan
    May 15, 2014

    See title

  5. Anonymous
    May 16, 2014

    As The Moose Chose Us,
    So Now Must We Choose the Moose.

    As The Moose Chose Us,
    So Now Must We Choose the Moose.

    As The Moose Chose Us,
    So Now Must We Choose the Moose.

    As The Moose Chose Us,
    So Now Must We Choose the Moose.

    As The Moose Chose Us,
    So Now Must We Choose the Moose.

  6. Kevin Goldberg
    May 16, 2014

    We need a new mascot and a 10 ft tall 900 pound creature runs down memorial hill. We should definitely become the Amherst College Moose.

  7. Hilarious Bookbinder
    May 16, 2014

    Thank you for this, Ethan. The moose that got caught must be made into the College mascot. Moose-caught the mascot. The resulting cheers are too obvious even to mention. “Lope to victory!” “Graze on!” “Tranquilize the Ephs!”

  8. anon
    May 16, 2014

    THE MOOSE IS LOOSE!

    • Hilarious Bookbinder
      May 16, 2014

      Keep in mind, too, the usefully disorienting effects that grammatically complicated moose-based cheers could have on Amherst opponents. A cheer such as “who let the moose out?,” for example, immediately raises the question as to whether the cheer is articulated in the singular or in the plural. Has one moose been let out? Or several? No one knows; it’s confusing. The fact that “moose” is an irregular plural noun paralyzes the intellect, plunging the mind of the opponent into despair and self-doubt. In geopolitics this is called “strategic ambiguity.” In etymological terms, meanwhile, there’s an ounce of poetic justice that shouldn’t be overlooked here: what better to replace the name of a colonial genocidaire, after all, than a word of Algonquian derivation?

  9. Wesalum
    May 16, 2014

    …”Go Mooses?””

  10. Anonymous
    June 18, 2014

    Resolved: The Board adopts the Moose as the College mascot. In addition,
    effective July 1, 2014, any reference to Lord Jeffrey Amherst, the Lord Jeffs, the Lady Jeffs or the Jeffs is prohibited. Violations will be subject to appropriate
    penalties, including suspension or expulsion from the College. Adopted, Board of
    Trustees, Amherst College

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This entry was posted on May 15, 2014 by in News and tagged , , , , , .
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